Long time no gist!
It's been an interesting couple of days. I made an outfit for a friend, my second sewing job and it wasn't so bad. I also made a dress for myself, a very challenging one (no thanks to Cy), I have assisted my mum around the house more, even helped her to sell her organic cream to friends, I have not read a single book, I have prayed and gisted and laughed. But most of all, I have decided that I will not be working in the media office I am currently serving, whether given the chance or having to apply for it.
This wasn't a straight forward decision to make, and I am not one to even make such early decisions. Regular me would have waited till about 2 weeks to the end of service before I start seriously considering my options and even at that I would still be playing around with ideas, nothing concrete. This though, is different. Maybe because I'm getting old too fast, maybe because the pressure on me to do better for myself keeps growing in leaps and bounds, no thanks to bigger dreams and staying in the same house with my family. Suddenly, I Elfrida, chairperson of the procrastinators association am sitting down and seriously streamlining my ideas and options (not that they are that much).
I am going to be 24 in a couple of months. Usually at this time of the year, I'd be wallowing in despair of how old I'm getting and how little I've achieved with my life, I still feel a bit of that, but the overiding emotion I feel now is nervous excitement for what's to come. Over the years, I have denied myself the pleasure of looking forward to what I am becoming, I have always based my thoughts on the past and the present, I was used to looking back and around. Never letting myself go beyond and take a peek at what lies ahead.
The truth is, I am an amazing young woman. I am skilled in many ways I never let myself acknowledge, always quick to say "oh someone else does it better or it's normal, anyone can do this" now, I am learning to change that, to accept with confidence that there's so much more to me that what I let myself believe.
I know I'm not alone in this, so I am writing this for myself as much as I am writing it for you too. See, we've been told that twenties are not so easy and there's no lie in that, at all. There's a lot of pressure from outside -friends, family, society, even haters- and there's also a lot of pressure (maybe even more) from inside of us -our desire to better, to prove that we can, our dreams, motivations and drive. It's okay really, sometimes pressure is a good thing. But, we have to try to not let ourselves be overwhelmed by this pressures. We have to understand our biases and privileges (or lack of it thereof) and own our current situation whilst holding on to the dream.
I really didn't mean for this piece to be a motivational one. A friend of mine once told me that the best way to write is to let the thoughts flow from your heart to your fingers. And that's what I'm doing, because this is where I'm at. A place where I'm trying to figure it out, while not letting myself drown in the thing I am trying to figure out. If you have any further advice for a young woman who is trying to make her own way, please let me know.
PS: That being said, I am currently on a job hunt. I am interested in all forms of media and I'm a fast learner Incase it's a new opportunity. Thanks.